This girl is more easily done than said...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
