you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize