Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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