my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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