i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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