Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize