i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
