when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
