Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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