A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
