Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
