You can't motorboat a personality
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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