Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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