It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
