So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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