She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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