next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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