help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
