I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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