How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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