Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
