I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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