38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
