I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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