he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
