ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize