Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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