ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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