This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she peed on how many people?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
