so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
