I cut my penus on the lid.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the raccoons are back...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
