I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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