she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
