so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone signed my nipple.
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