Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
