honey bunches of taint.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
