Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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