I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am one with the molecules
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
