You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
