That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
