We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
