Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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