Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
