hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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