I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
