So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
