M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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