alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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