His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What a dumb baby whore.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
