I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize