Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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