well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize