You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
