I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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