So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
