I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize