kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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