you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
