you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
