Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
