lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
