I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
