Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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