I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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