dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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