So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
