Is it normal to miss your booty call?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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