guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
