I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
