Your mouth is God's brothel.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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