i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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