Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
