the day after is always just damage control
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
