Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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